Helping a parent navigate widowhood

If your parent is widowed, it’s a new world for both of you. How do you care for them in their grief and their totally new life of singlehood? And take care of your own grief, too? Widowhood often affects men and women differently in social life and daily tasks, but loneliness and disrupted routines are universal challenges. And researchers have found a powerful “widowhood effect”: a highly increased risk of mortality within three months of a spouse’s death. Yikes! Here are some ideas on how to provide support at this time.

Learn about grief. Grief can have physical, emotional, and even cognitive ramifications. And it’s different for everyone. But one thing is true—it takes time. And it often comes in waves or bursts, sometimes out of the blue. Prepare for holidays and anniversaries to be especially tender.

Show up. Ask specific questions. Be a presence in their life, whether by phone or in person. Show curiosity and care. Rather than a vague “How are you?” ask, “What part of the day feels hardest?” or “Would you like company for dinner tonight?” Share your memories and what you miss about the person who’s died. Saying something like “I keep thinking about how she hummed while cooking” or “I miss watching games together” creates a space where grief is shared rather than endured alone.

Help rebuild. Unplanned days, evenings alone, and an empty house can be difficult adjustments. Friends may assume your parent needs space. Or your parent may feel awkward reaching out. Try video chat dinners, simulcast TV watching, or regular outings together. Talk about which friends they might reach out to. Gently offer ideas for broader social engagement. For instance, they might join a class or return to a religious or spiritual community. Or volunteer with a local organization. Or find a group for their hobby, be it quilting, gardening, or cars.

Support overall well-being. New solo-life routines can help develop healthier sleep, eating, and exercise patterns. Also review the basics of running a household, especially if they have never lived alone before. Encourage your loved one to catch up with any overdue health checkups. Perhaps look for a local grief or widow-support group. Maybe even help them adopt a pet for companionship.

As you support your parent, acknowledge your own loss and seek outlets for your emotions. By showing up for yourself, you’ll be better equipped to be there for your parent.

This article is brought to you by Solace Hospice.

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